Top Ten Tips for Dealing With Internet Trolls Like a Boss

This is an older post that was published on my previous blog, but I’m dusting it off and republishing here.

I often meet people who tell me that I’m very “controversial” on Twitter and always seem to be getting into fights or getting trolled. They ask me how I stand the reams of abuse, the tirades, and the overall stress of having to deal with the trolls.

Having cut my teeth in Yahoo chatrooms, which  made Twitter look like a friendly kindergarten playground, I don’t get terribly upset by whatever I encounter on Twitter. But for those of you that need some help in this department, here are my top ten tips on how to deal with trolls.

  1. Remember that all trolls are inherently stupider than you are. If they were more intelligent, or indeed intelligent at all, they would be doing more constructive things with their time than trying to “troll” you. Successful people are not trolls.
  2.  Never get emotional when dealing with a troll. There’s nothing they like better than seeing you lose your self-control. Stay cool, calm, and rational, which they hate.
  3.  Gird your loins. Troll-baiting is not for the weak. They will insult your looks, age, weight, and family. They will sexually harass you, especially if they are men and you are a woman. It’s only a measure of how weak they really are.
  4. Prepare a few choice insults and be ready to let them fly. Don’t go for this “Don’t feed the trolls nonsense”. Feed them poison and watch them die. But only do it selectively. Not every troll is worth your personalized insults.
  5. Pity them. They deserve pity more than hatred. Trolls are losers who feel frustrated with life and have decided to take it out on you. They perceive you as having something – status, position, power, a voice – that they do not.
  6.  Enjoy their jealousy. Sometimes a normal person gets afflicted by a fit of jealousy and wants to denigrate your accomplishments or otherwise disturb your harmony. It’s a sign that they see you as better than them in some way, even if it means they want to attack you and bring you down. And they can’t.
  7. Be ready to report them if they threaten you with violence. Expose them. They expect you to cower with fear. Don’t do it. Show them who’s boss.
  8.  In the case of PTI trolls, remember, a troll is only as smart as his or her leader.
  9.  If that doesn’t work, remember, the bigger the troll, the smaller the ****.
  10.  And finally, keep on being excellent, because there’s nothing the trolls can do about that.

For the last word, check this article in which a study finds that trolls are likely to be sadists and psychopaths. But we didn’t need a study to tell us that.

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